I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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