Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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