im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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