he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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