btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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