Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
