you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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