You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
