he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
