OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
