that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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