drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
