Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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