We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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