based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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