question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
