You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
