worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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