Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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