He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
