Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
