I just made out with a guy for $7.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
