The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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