yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
