Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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