I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We're too hungover to prance.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
