apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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