So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
