i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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