Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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