So drunk its hurt
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was like eating out sand paper
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
