i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
