Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
