i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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