well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
