He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
