im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
