the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
