the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
