I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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