I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
