Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
