It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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