Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
