he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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