I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
