all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
