maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
