you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
