Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
