apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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