Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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