what day is it and did you see me today?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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