new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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