Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
