is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
