just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
