I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
