good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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