So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
