Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
