you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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